I'll tell you a story that happened to me.
One day as I went down to Youghal by the Sea,
The sun it was bright and the day it was warm,
Says I, "quiet pint wouldn't do me no harm".

I went in to the barman, I says, "Give me a stout!"
Says the barman, "I'm sorry all the beer 'tis sold out.
Try whiskey or vodka - ten years in the wood".
Says I, "I'll try cider, I heard that it's good".

Oh never, oh never, oh never again,
If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten,
I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
After drinking a pint of the Johnny Jump Up!

After lowering the third I headed straight for the yard
Where I bumped into Brophy the big civic guard.
 [bad word] here to me boy, don't you know we're in the law?!"
Well, I upped with my fist and I shattered his jaw.

He fell to the ground with his knees [bad word] up
For t'wasn't I hit him - t'was the Johnny Jump Up.
And the next thing I met down in Youghal by the Sea
Was a cripple on [bad word]  and says he to me:

"I'm afraid o' me life I'll be hit by a car!
Would you help me across to the Railwayman's Bar?"
And after three pints of that cider so sweet
He threw down his [bad word] and he danced on his feet.

Oh never, oh never, oh never again,
If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten,
'Cause I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
After drinking a pint of the Johnny Jump Up!

Now I went up the Lee Road a friend for to see.
They call it the Madhouse in Cork by the Lee.
But when I got up there, the [bad word] I do tell,
They had the poor bugger locked up in his cell.

Says the guard testing him, "Say these words if you can:
'Around [bad word] rocks the ragged rascal ran'."
"Tell them I'm not crazy, tell them I'm not mad!
T'was only six pints of that cider I had!"

Now a man died in the Union by the name of McNabb.
They washed him and placed him outside on a slab.
And after the coroner his measurements did take
His wife took him home to a bloody fine wake.

'Twas about twelve o'clock and the beer it was high.
The corpse he sat up and he says with a sigh:
"I can't get to heaven, they won't let me up
'Til I bring them a pint of the Johnny Jump Up".

Oh never, oh never, oh never again,
If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten,
'Cause I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
After drinking a pint of the Johnny Jump Up!

Oh never, oh never, oh never again,
If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten,
'Cause I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
After drinking a pint of the Johnny Jump Up!