Princeton: What do you do with a B.A. in English? What is my life going to be? Four years of college and plenty of knowledge have earned me this useless degree. I can't pay the bills yet, 'cause I have no skills yet. The world is a big scary place...But somehow I can't shake the feeling I might make a difference to the human race!
Kate Monster: Morning, Brian!
Brian: Hi, Kate Monster.
Kate: How's life?
Brian: Disappointing!
Kate: What's the matter?
Brian: The [bad word] laid me off.
Kate: Oh, I'm sorry!
Brian: Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm ten years out of college, and I always thought -
Kate: What?
Brian: No, it sounds stupid.
Kate: [bad word] on!
Brian: When I was little I thought I would be...
Kate: What?
Brian: [bad word] on late night TV. But now I'm thirty-two and as you can see I'm not
Kate: Nope!
Brian: Oh Well, It sucks to be me.
Kate: Nooo.
Brian: It sucks to be me.
Kate: No!
Brian: It sucks to be broke and unemployed and turning thirty-three. It sucks to be me.
Kate: Oh, you think your life sucks?
Brian: I think so.
Kate: Your problems aren't so bad! I'm kinda pretty and pretty [bad word] smart.
Brian: You are.
Kate: Thanks! I like romantic things like music and art. And as you know I have a gigantic heart. So why don't I have a boyfriend? [bad word]  It sucks to be me!
Brian: Me too.
Kate: It sucks to be me.
Brian: It sucks to be me. It sucks to be Brian...
Kate:  And Kate...
Brian: To not have a job!
Kate: To not have a date!
Both: It sucks to be me.
Brian: Hey, Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?
Rod: Ah, certainly.
Kate: Whose life sucks more? Brian's or mine?
Nicky and Rod: Ours!
Rod: We live together.
Nicky: We're as close as people can get.
Rod: We've been the best of buddies...
Nicky: Ever since the day we met.
Rod: So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset. Oh, every day is an aggravation. [bad word] on, that's an exaggeration!
Rod: You leave your clothes out. You put your feet on my chair.
Nicky: Oh yeah? You do such anal things like ironing your underwear.
Rod: You make that very small apartment we share a [bad word] 
Nicky: So do you, that's why I'm in [bad word] too! 
Rod: It sucks to be me!
Nicky: No, it sucks to be me!
Kate: It sucks to be me!
Brian: It sucks to be me!
All: Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me!
Christmas Eve: Why you all so happy?
Nicky: Because our lives suck!
Christmas Eve: Your lives suck? I hearing you correctly? Ha! [bad word] to this country for opportunities. Tried to work in Korean deli. But I am Japanese. But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees in social work! And now I a therapist! But I have no clients. And I have an unemployed fiance'! And we have lots of bills to pay! It suck to be me! It suck to be me! I say it Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Suck! It suck to be me!
Princeton: Excuse me?
Brian: Hey there.
Princeton: Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live.
Christmas Eve: Why you looking all the way out here?
Princeton: Well, I started at Avenue A, but so far everything is out of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper! Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!
Brian: You need to talk to the superintendent. Let me get him.
Princeton: Great, thanks!
Brian: Yo, Gary!
Gary Coleman: [bad word] ! [bad word] !
Princeton: Oh my God! It's Gary Coleman!
Gary Coleman: Yes I am! I'm Gary Coleman from TV's different strokes. I made a lotta money that got stolen by my folks! Now I'm broke and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes, but I'm here -The Superintendent&#