The best things in life are free 
But you can give them to the SDP 
I want to go to Tesco's store 
And buy some drink and fall on the floor. 

I don't care for smart new clothes 
I don't care for reading books 
I don't care for Quinn and Collins 
I don't care for magazines 

I don't like lemonade 
I think milk should not be made 
I don't like coffee and I don't like tea 
These are the things that mystify me 

I don't care for sport or swimming 
I don't care for all those nasty old bogies 
I don't care what's on TV 
I just want to drink til I can't see 

I wish I'd been born a tree  [bad word] and make a barrel out of me 
I get in a fury when I'm not in a brewery 

Whiskey Vodka Special Brew 
All of this is good for you 
Gin sling, Cointreau, brandy sour... 
Blot right out! Soul happy hour!