Ladies and Gentlemen of the GED class of 1999 
I have one piece of advice for you 
No matter what a stripper tells you... 
There is NO [bad word] in the champagne room 
NONE! 

Oh, there's CHAMPAGNE in the champagne room 
But you don't want champagne... 
You want [bad word] #33; 
And there's NO [bad word] in the champagne room 

Don't go to parties with metal detectors 
Sure, it feels safe inside... 
But what about all those niggas waitin' outside with guns?... 
They know you ain't got one! 

If a woman tells you she's 20, and looks 16 - she's 12 
If she tells you she's 26 and LOOKS 26 - she's [bad word] near 40! 

Take off that silly [bad word] hat! 

The ODB couldn't have [bad word] all those crimes... 
Coolio did some of dat [bad word] #33; 

Young, black men: If you go to a movie theater 
and someone steps on your foot... 
LET IT SLIIIIDE... 
Why spend the next 20 years in jail 
Cuz someone smudged your PUMA? 

CORNBREAD... 
Ain't nuttin' wrong wit that! 

No matter what you think of what I'm sayin' 
Remember this one thing... 
There is NO [bad word] in the champagne room 

(Ohh...no  in the champagne room (x6) 
There's absolutely, positively no  in the champagne room 
no..no...) 

If a homeless person has a funny sign 
He hasn't been homeless that long 
REAL homeless person is too HUNGRY to be funny 

If a girl has a pierced tongue, 
She'll probably suck your [bad word] 
If a guy has a pierced tongue, 
He'll probably suck your [bad word] 

Here's a HORRORscope for everyone: 
Aquarius - YOU'RE GONNA DIE 
Capricorn - YOU'RE GONNA DIE 
Gemini - YOU'RE GONNA DIE TWICE! 
Leo - YOU'RE GONNA DIE 
Scorpio - YOU'RE GONNA DIE [bad word] #39;! 

No one goes to Hooters for wings 

If you've been dating a man for 4 months 
And you haven't met any of his friends... 
You are NOT his girlfriend! 

Some of the things I said may not apply to you 
Some of the things I said may offend you 
But no matter who you are, 
You MUST REMEMBER this ONE thing: 
No matter what a stripper says... 
there is NO [bad word] in the champagne room 
NONE! 

(No  in the champagne room 
I said no  in the champagne room 
No  in the champagne room 
No no  in the champagne room 
No  in the champagne room 
Ain't gettin' none, can't have none..noo... 
In the champagne room......ahh ahh..... 
There's absolutely positively no  in the champagne room 
Say noo..noo... say nooooo..... there ain't no .... 
In the champagne room 
noo..no....)