[bad word] 

Singer: Everybody clap your hands in the air and follow the Music Man!
Singer:I am the music man, [bad word] from down your way, and I can play!
Audience: What can you play?

Piano

The Music Man: "I play the piano!"
Sing "Pia-pia-pia-no, pia-no, pia-no; pia-pia-pia-no, pia-pia-no" to the tune
Actions: act out playing chords on a piano
Follow with [bad word] 

Trombone

The Music Man: "I play the trombone!"
Sing "oomp-pa-oomp-pa-ooomp-pa-paaaa, oomp-pa-paaaa, oomp-pa-paaa; oomp-pa-oomp-pa-oomp-pa-paaaa, oomp-pa-oomp-pa-pa" to the tune
Actions: mime playing trombone
Follow with piano and [bad word] 

Bagpipes

The Music Man: "I play the bagpipes!"
Sing "Scotland the Brave"
Actions: mime playing bagpipes
Follow with trombone, piano, and [bad word] 

Call and response section

The Music Man: "Whoawhooaa!"
Audience: "Whoawhooaa!"
The Music Man: "Yeeaah-yeah-yeah-yeah"
Audience: "Yeeaah-yeah-yeah-yeah"
The Music Man: "Oggy oggy oggy!"
Audience: "Oi oi oi!"
The Music Man: "Oggy oggy oggy!"
Audience: "Oi oi oi!"

Football section

Sing theme from Match of the Day
Actions: scarf waving
Follow with bagpipes, trombone, piano, and [bad word] 

Dambusters

The Music Man: "I play The Dam Busters!"
Sing the theme to The Dam Busters
Actions: with arms outstretched, like bomber aircraft; alternatively, make an "okay" sign with both hands and place over eyes (with palms touching cheeks, thumbs over eyebrows and the 3 loose fingers of each hand pointing down) in the manner of an aviator's goggles.
Follow with football, bagpipes, trombone, piano, and [bad word] 

"Here We Go, Here We Go" Theme

Sing: Here we go, here we go, here we go; Here we go, here we go, here we go; Here we go, here we go, here we go; Here we go, here we go, here we go; Here we go, here we go, here we go; Here we go, here we go, here we go; Here we go, here we go, here we go; Here we go, here we go, here we go; Here we go, here we go, here we go; Here we go, here we go, here we go....
Actions: Scarf waving to "Here We Go"

Singer: I am the Music man!
Audience: Oi!