woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my [bad word] was missing again
This happens all the time
It's detachable [bad word] in handy a lot of the time
I can leave it home when I think it's going to get me in trouble
Or I can rent it out when I don't need it

But now and then I go to a party
Get [bad word] And the next morning I can't for the life of me 
Remember what I did with it
First I looked around my apartment 
And I couldn't find it
So I called up the place where the party was
They hadn't seen it either
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 
'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time
So I told them if it pops up to let me know. 

I called a few people who were at the party
But they were no help either
I was starting to get desperate
I really don't like being without my [bad word] for too long
It makes me feel like less of a man 
And I really hate to have to sit down every time I take a leak

After a few hours of searching the house
And calling everyone I could think of
I was starting to get very depressed
So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast. 
Then as I walked down Second Avenue toward St. Mark's Place
Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street
I saw my [bad word] lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven
Some guy was selling it
I had to buy it off him
He wanted 22 bucks but I talked him down to 17
I took it home
Washed it off
And put it back on
I was happy [bad word] People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached
But I don't know
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the [bad word] I like having a detachable [bad word]