There was a girl, we'll call her Betty 
And a guy, let's call him Neil 
Now I can't stress this point too strongly... 
This story isn't real. 
Now our Neil must decide 
Who will be the girl that he casts aside? 
Will Betty be the one who he loves [bad word]  
Or will it be the one who we'll call... Loolie? 
He must decide, he must decide, 
even though I made him up, he must decide!