You can never see it, 
I keep it in a jar, 
You can not escape it, 
Not even in your car,
It is not a mineral, 
Animal or plant, 
You will never find it, 
Don't try because you cant, 
Make it so it hurts your face and touch it,
Spank it till it stinks and touch it baby... 
Its weight doesn't matter 
Neither does it size
If you look into it
It burns out your eyes, 
Do not breathe around it, 
Sniffle, squeeze or cough, 
If you were to touch it, 
Your skin would sizzle off, 
Make it so it hurts and touch it, 
Spank it till it stinks and touch it baby... 

It's the mighty [bad word] laser, 
The cause for every scream, 
It is better than anything you've got,
Cause it's made out of a laser beam (bum,bum,bum's) 

Now is when the horror will be [bad word] felt and 
The sick smell of death will soon be smelt, 
It is a laser beam, 
It will never be seen, 
And it's zit is far more flammable than gasoline, 
Make it so it hurts your face and touch it, 
Spank it til it stinks and touch it baby, 
It is incapable of reasoning, 
This is the part where we sing...

It's the Mighty [bad word] Laser, 
The cause for every scream, 
It is better then anything you've got, 
Cuz it's made out of a laser beam.