PETE
On the first day of Christmas my [bad word] love gave to me, a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.

BOBBY
On the second day of Christmas my [bad word] love gave to me: Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.

BOB
On the third day of Christmas my [bad word] love gave to me: three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.

COOPER
Diane, on the fourth day of Christmas my [bad word] love gave to me: four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.

LUCY
On the fifth day of Christmas my [bad word] love gave to me: five jelllyyy donnuuuutts.

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.

PETE
On the sixth day of Christmas my sweetheart gave to me: six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five jelllyyy donnuuuutts.

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.

BOBBY
On the seventh day of Christmas my [bad word] love gave to me: seven one-armed men.

PETE
Six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five jelllyyy donnuuuutts.

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.

COOPER
Diane, on the eighth day of Christmas I had a strange dream: eight dancing midgets.

BOBBY
Seven one-armed men.

PETE
Six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five ... oh ... Five jelly donnuuuutts. Sorry, oops.

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.

BOB
On the ninth day of Christmas my [bad word] love gave to me: nine owls lurking.

COOPER
Eight dancing midgets.

BOBBY
Seven one-armed men.

PETE
Six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five jelly donuts!

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.

BOBBY
On the tenth day of Christmas my [bad word] love gave to me: ten drooling Leo's.

BOB
Nine owls lurking.

COOPER
Eight dancing midgets.

BOBBY
Seven one-armed men.

PETE
Six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five ... jelly ... donuts!

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.

LUCY
On the eleventh day of Christmas my [bad word] love gave to me: eleven cherry pies.

BOBBY
Ten drooling Leo's.

BOB
Nine owls lurking.

COOPER
Eight dancing midgets.

BOBBY
Seven one-armed men.

PETE
Six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five jelllyyy donnuuuttts.

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.

PETE
On the twelveth day of Christmas my sweetheart gave to me: twelve cups of coffee!

LUCY
Eleven cherry pies.

BOBBY
Ten drooling Leo's.

BOB
Nine owls lurking.

COOPER
Eight dancing midgets.

BOBBY
Seven one-armed men.

PETE
Six fish in a percolator.

LUCY
Five thousaannnddd donnuuuttts. What!?

COOPER
Four talking logs.

BOB
Three possessed souls.

BOBBY
Two secret diaries.

PETE
And a body ... dead ... wraaapped in plaaaastiic.

JOHNNY HORNE
Amen ... Amen.