Back in the not too distant past
When I would need a quick repast
Or a temporary break from my agenda

Up to the bedroom I would head
Pull out the Playboy from 'neath the bed
And sneak a peak at all the portraits of pudenda

My alternatives were slim
If I tried to find another source for sin
I'd have to hang out with the losers in the backroom of my local video store

But last month I finally made the call
I got a brand new cable modem installed
And it opened up the floodgates of a whole new universe of INTERNET [bad word] 

Internet [bad word]  Roman orgy scenes
Internet [bad word]  [bad word] queens
Internet [bad word]  Girl on girl on girl on girl on girl on guy on sheep

Internet [bad word]  Gross anatomy
Internet [bad word]  Pam and Tommy Lee
Internet [bad word]  When you're given so much to choose from who has time to sleep?

Honestly honey, I dunno how the link got on there!

After my girlfriend goes to sleep
And I get out of bed and down the hall I creep
So I can hunker down and wallow in depravity until 3 or 4

You'll always find me in that same tableau
Silloueted by my monitor's warm glow
And absorbing all the bounty from the cornocopia of INTERNET [bad word] 

Internet [bad word]  Barely legal teens
Internet [bad word]  Naughty figurines
Internet [bad word]  Geriatric German grandmas spanking Spanish men

Internet [bad word]  Erotic Asian art
Internet [bad word]  Guys with extra parts
Internet [bad word]  I don't think I'm ever going to see the sun again!

Internet [bad word]  Male-in [bad word] 
Internet [bad word]  There's my neighbor's mom
Internet [bad word]  Bikers wearing diapers chasing nurses dressed like smurfs

Internet [bad word]  Massage le crevage
Internet [bad word]  Oh de' toi menage
Internet [bad word]  Every kind of [bad word] from every corner of the earth!