My name is Link, y'all, I'm straight outta [bad word] 
Been on the force of good since 1986, old school
I'm bringing you a laid back summertime jam

[Danny Sexbang]
Hold on a minute, Link

[Ego]
Hey what's up, old man

[Dan]
I see that you're embarking on another epic quest
You're gonna use your ocarina to rescue the princess
But you need a magic weapon that'll never ever miss
It's dangerous to go alone, take this

[Ego]
Oh thanks old man that is really very nice
I can always count on you for help and friendly advice
Though I've never seen a sword of quite that shape or size
Oh God, that's not a sword, it's your [bad word] in disguise

[Hook 1: Danny Sexbang]
Yes, I can't lie, I have painted my schween
Now grab your destiny, if you know what I mean
Wait a minute, Link, don't leave the cave, where do you think you're going
This is a great chance to fondle old [bad word] that you're blowing

[Verse 2]

[Ego]
That was weird but whatever there is no time to lose
I gotta warp right now to Zelda in this chilled out groove
Wait this isn't Ganon's lair, I'm in Liberty City
This place looks just like Philadelphia, but even more [bad word] 
I'm at the corner of Deadcop and Prostitute Junction
Something in my ocarina must have gone and malfunctioned
I gotta fix it quickly, there is justice to do

[Dan]
Hold on a minute, Link

[Ego]
Old man, is that you?

[Dan]
This is a place you can't survive with just your sword and your wits
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!

[Ego]
Well that's really kind of-
Gah, that's your wrinkled [bad word] again
Look, I know I wear a tunic, but I'm not into men

[Hook 2: Danny Sexbang]
Don't be that way, [bad word]  let me introduce you
To my three best friends, Mr. Johnson and the juice crew
If you save the princess Zelda, well, you know you're gonna grab her
So why don't you try [bad word] grab my inflatable poo-jabber

[Ego]
Oh my god

[Verse 3]

[Ego]
I gotta warp outta here, Princess Zelda awaits
I must defeat Ganondorf before it gets too late
Okay, now I really don't know where I am

[Dan]
Hold on a minute, Link

[Ego]
 [bad word] it old man

[Dan]
You're in Raccoon City, it's a zombie abyss
It's dangerous to go alone, take-

[Ego]
No! [bad word] you! [bad word] you!
I'm not giving you a-
I'm not touching your w-
Stop the chilled out groove!

Geez!
 [bad word] in here tellin' me you got a wee-wee weapon
It's not cool, I'm not gonna touch it, I'm not gonna s-
No!

[Dan]
So is that a no on the handjob, or-?
Okay