When we’re together
I feel so grand
My heart goes tippity-tap-tap-tap
When I hold your hand
But I know there’s another guy
You fancy more
So, even though
I’m not the one you adore
Why not...

[Verse 1: Greg]
Settle for me
Darling, just settle for me
I think you’ll have to agree
We make quite a pair
I know I’m only second place in this game
But like two-percent milk or seitan beef
I almost taste the same

So won’t you settle for me [bad word] on and settle for me
Say yes or no before I choke on all this swallowed pride
I have no problem being picked out from the bottom
If he’s your broken condom, I’m Plan B!
So lower those expectations and settle for me

I OK with this?
Totally

[Interjection: Rebecca Bunch, played by Rachel Bloom]
Oh sweet, a gown

[Verse 2: Greg]
Settle for me, babycakes
Just settle for me, schmoopy-pie
I’m begging you please
Can’t you see the light?
Sugar jugs, I’m so bereft
Demeaning terms are all that I have left
Of my masculinity
So settle for me

[Interjection: Rebecca]
So twirly!

[Bridge: Greg]
Little girl
Don’t make me feel like a little girl
Exposed and raw
Whose [bad word] can’t even fill a training bra

Let’s pretend I didn’t say that

[Greg]
Settle for me

[Rebecca]
It’s a practical proposal

[Greg]
Settle for me

[Rebecca]
It makes a certain sense

[Greg]
He’s a fantasy
But hey let’s think this through
Yes, Josh is a dream, but I’m right here
In flesh and blood and self-hate

[Both]
Settle for me

[Greg]
In a sad way, darling, it’s fate

[dance break]

[Rebecca]
You’re like Rocky Five to Rocky

[Greg]
Solange to Beyoncé
Not asking to be your fiancé

But if tonight or tomorrow
If you happen to be free
Maybe, just maybe
Settle for me!