Look
If you had
One shot
To sit on your lazy butt
And watch all the TV you ever wanted
Until your brain turned to mush
Would you go for it?
Or just let it slip?
Yo

Remote is ready
Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
There's Flintstones on the TV already
Wilma 'n' Betty
No virgin to channel surfin'
And I'm HD-ready
So I flip
Garbage is all I'm getting

There's Simon Cowell
Who folks wanna disembowel
He opens his mouth
Always says something foul
They're dyin', wow
Wannabes are crying now
He votes them out
Time to throw in the towel

Shows based on reality
Oh, the humanity!
Oh, Ozzy's family
Sho' loves profanity
Whoa, the insanity
Oh, dogs that [bad word] and pee
Home of depravity?
No, they live happily
Yo

Plus Da Ali Show
And Celebrity Mole
Oh, and there's Anna Nicole
Well, she's scaring me

Look ma, no cavities
Oh, it's a station break
Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something

You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)

You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV
They told me, cajoled me, Turn off those music videos (no)
I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)
(You're gonna)

My butt is aching
As I watch NASCAR racing
That show about undertaking
Larry King
To 24 to Law And Order
The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes's ancient reporters
Next up on E! [bad word] Hollywood Story
The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey

Shows for next fall, they've already been namin'
CSI: Boise and Touched By An Uncle both sound pretty lame 'n'
So does Everybody Tolerates Raymond
And King of Queens jumped the shark the first minute
I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it

I'll move right on to 8 [bad word] For Dating My Teenaged Daughter
Then I bet
I watch The Bachelorette
Followed by [bad word] Back, Kotter
And The Muppet Show where they go 'Mahna Mahna'

You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Disney Channel and A&and Lifetime (yo)

You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
They told me, cajoled me
But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)
I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)
(You're Gonna)

Never missed Melrose Place or Lost In Space
I've seen each Amazing Race and Without Trace
But I only watched Will And Grace one time one day
Wish I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm [bad word] 

Oh, and Fear Factor I watched maybe a half hour
After that, felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambitions
Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians

Like to tie up those programming planners
Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like Scanners
Leech-covered [bad word] eatin' fools on Survivor
Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider

And there's Gilligan and SpongeBob, plus there's MacGyver
And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on a
Special all Pig-Latin episode of Drew Carey

Wanna turn on E.T. 'cause I'm a gossip freak
And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week
30 second spot
Then [bad word] back to Are You Hot?
I was planning on recording The Sopranos
I forgot

I love shows with or without a plot
I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got
One brain to rot
I'm gonna spend my life watchi