Brian:
Princeton!

Princeton:
Yeah.

Brian:
Listen, buddy, nobody’s seen ya for two weeks.
What’s up with that?

Princeton:
I went to work for a temp agency, and they
fired me for being too depressing on the phone.
I maxed out my cards, I’m two months behind
in rent, I totally messed up my personal life.
Oh, and Brian - I still haven’t found my purpose!

Brian:
All right. Get off your [bad word] and stop worrying!
Everyone’s getting together to mess around the city today.

Princeton:
Have fun!

Brian:
When I say everyone, that includes you!

There is life outside your apartment.
I know it’s hard to conceive.
But there’s life outside your apartment.
And you’re only gonna see it if you leave.

There is cool [bad word] to do,
But it [bad word] to you,
And who knows, dude
You might even score!

There is life outside your apartment.
But you gotta open the door!

Princeton:
No, thanks, I’m staying in!

Brian:
Don’t tell me I gotta force you.

Princeton:
Sorry!

Brian:
All right, everyone! He’s resisting!

All but Princeton:
There is life outside...
There is life outside...
There is life outside...
There is life outside your apartment!
There’s a pigeon
Squashed on the street.

Christmas Eve:
Ew.

Brian:
There’s a girl passing by

Nicky:
No I think it’s a guy

All but Princeton:
And a homeless man
Who only wants to
Buy something to eat!

Sorry, can’t help you.

We could go to the zoo!

Trekkie Monster:
Pick up girls at NYU!

Brian:
We could sit in the park smoking pot!

Christmas Eve:
Or not.

All but Princeton:
There is life outside your apartment.

Princeton:
Well, I guess I’ll give it a shot.

All:
There is life outside your apartment.
I know -
There is life outside your apartment.

Voice #1:
I’m gonna jump!

All:
Don’t do it!

Voice #1:
Okay.

All:
There is cool [bad word] to do
But it [bad word] to you [bad word] on -

Voice #2:
Get out of the way [bad word] 

Princeton: [bad word] you!

All:
There is life outside your apartment.
Oh, you never know
What’s around the bend.
You could win the lotto
Or make a friend...

Guys:
Take her home to see your apartment!

Lucy:
Do you wanna feel special?
I can see that you do.
Well, I can make you feel
Special.
If you let me feel you.

Guys:
She’ll feel you!

Lucy:
Where’s your pad?

Princeton:
Not too far.

Guys:
We could call you a car.

Princeton:
We’ll be fine, thank you! See ya!
Christmas Eve:
Hope you don’t get gonorrhea!

All:
There is life outside your apartment.

Princeton/Lucy:
But now it’s time to go home.

All:
There is life outside your apartment.

Trekkie Monster:
Me going home now.

Princeton/Lucy:
It’s time to go home!

Trekkie Monster:
That’s where me gonna go!

Lucy:
I can make you feel special

Trekkie Monster:
That’s where me gonna go!

All:
There is life outside your apartment.

Trekkie Monster:
Me going home now,
That’s where me gonna go!

Princeton/Lucy:
But now it’s time to go home

Trekkie Monster:
For [bad word]