This on? [bad word]  gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Olympians, astronauts, war heroes...
You're here because we want the best,
and you are it.
Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough, or your heart stopping.
Because that's...that's not part of the test.
That's asbestos.

Science is built on the shoulders of giants.
Well, maybe Black Mesa. Not Aperture Science!
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place. (Yes sir!)
Black Mesa didn't fly into space,
storm a beach, or bring back the gold, no sir!
We did! ...Or, so I'm told.
It's you against the world, son. I like your grit.
We want the best, and you are it.

Science isn't about "why". Science is about "why not?"

Why not marry safe science if you love it so much?
Yes, you. Box your stuff. Out the door.
Why not invent a door that won't hit you on the butt? Because YOU ARE FIRED!
Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
If you need to go to the bathroom,
If you're allergic to peanuts,
If you've cut yourself at all,
If you weren't wearing underpants,
Congratulations! YOU ARE FIRED!

Heh, heh, heh. [Target acquired.]

Now, if you're part of control group Kepler-Seven,
I'M GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! [bad word] LEMONS!

{Side note: My apologies. I [bad word] tried to leave that line out. I'm so sorry, everyone.}

Not you, test subject. You're doing fine.
Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time.
You're not the control group. The lab boys say
I talk about the control group all [bad word] day.
That gave me an idea: Talk a hundred times a day.
Son of a gun got blue paint, by the way.

I dunno. Caroline, what do these people buy? Hats?

In case you're interested, let us disassemble you!
We put some science stuff in ya, then back together, good as new!
You could walk outta here with a hundred-twenty bucks.
Plus, we're scooping out tumours. You oughtta be paying us.
Hey, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything
unless it's test related. Thank you for staggering
through Aperture Science's propulsion gel test.
You're here because we want the best. Nope.

[Don't make lemonade. The answer is beneath us.
For giving the gift of knowledge to man, the gods punished Prometheus.]
 [bad word] to the Enrichment Center.
You're here because we want the best. And guess what?
Ground-up moon rocks are poison!
I am deathly ill.
Caroline, please, bring me more pain pills.
If I die before you people can pour me into [bad word] ..

Great job, Olympian, Astronaut, War hero, (Caroline!)
With your help, we're going to change the world!

Say goodbye, Caroline.

[Now it's Broken Turret's time to shine!
Where do I get my gun?
It's my big chance! [bad word] on!]

[That was fun, wasn't it?]