All righty then. Picture this if you will.
10 to 2 AM, X, Yogi DMT, and a box of Krispy Kremes,
in my need-to-know post just outside Area 51
Contemplating the whole chosen people thingy when
just then a flaming stealth banana split the sky like one would hope but
never really expect to see in a place like this
Cutting right angle doughnuts on a dime and stopping right at my Birkenstocks
and me yelping... HOLY [bad word] [bad word] 
Holy [bad word] [bad word]  [bad word] [bad word] 
Holy [bad word] [bad word] 
Holy [bad word] [bad word] 
Holy [bad word] [bad word] . [bad word] [bad word] . [bad word] [bad word] 

Then the X-Files being, looking
like some kinda blue-green Jackie Chan
With Isabella Rossellini lips and breath that reeked of vanilla chig champa
Did a slow-mo Matrix decent outta the butt end of the banana vessel 
and hovered above my bug-eyes,
My gaping jaw,
And my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip,
And all I could think was,
I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't notice
That I [bad word] my [bad word] pants.

So light in his way
Like an apparition,
He had me crying out,
 [bad word] me!
It's gotta be
the Deadhead chemistry!
The blotter got right on top of me
Got me seeing [bad word] T!

And after calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning
E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose,
He said you are the chosen one.
The one who will deliver the message. 
message of hope for those who choose to hear it
And a warning for those who do not.
Me, the chosen one
They chose me
And I didn't graduate from [bad word] high school!

You had better
You had better
You had better
You had better listen

Then he looked right through me
With somniferous almond eyes
Don't even know what that means
Must remember to write it down,
This is so real
Like the time Dave floated away
See my heart is pounding
'Cause this [bad word] never happens to me!

Can't breathe right now

It was so real
Like I woke up in Wonderland
Also a bit terrifying
I don't wanna be all alone
When I tell this story
And can anyone tell me why 
ya'll sound like Peanuts parents
Will I ever [bad word] down?
This is so real
Finally it's my lucky day
See my heart is racing
'Cause this [bad word] never happens to me

I can't breathe right now

You believe me don't you
Please believe what I just said
See the dead ain't tourin'
And this wasn't all in my head.
See they took me by the hand
And invited me right in
Then they showed me something
I don't even know where to begin

Strapped down to my bed
Feet cold and eyes red
I'm out of my head
I alive am I dead
Can't remember what they said
God [bad word] [bad word] the bed
High eye (repeated)

I believe you (repeated, heard faintly in background)

Overwhelmed as one would be
Placed in my position
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and bring to all
The details of our ending
To write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen
 [bad word] the bed again
Typical.

Strapped down to my bed
Feet cold and eyes red
I'm out of my head
I alive am I dead?
Sunkist and sudafed
Gyroscopes and infrared
Won't help the brain-dead
Can't remember what they said
God [bad word] [bad word] the bed
IIIIIII can't remember what they said to me
Can't remember what they said 
to make me out to be a hero
Can't remember what he said

Bob help me!
Can't remember what he said

Don't know, won't know (repeated)
God [bad word] [bad word] the bed!