Gaston:
Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man! No one says "no" to Gaston!
LeFou:
Heh heh. Darn right.
Gaston:
Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly Humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear.
LeFou:
More beer?
Gaston:
What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.
LeFou:
Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together.

LeFou:
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, [bad word] or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

LeFou and [bad word] 
No one's been like Gaston
king pin like Gaston

LeFou:
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

Gaston:
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

LeFou and [bad word] 
My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"

LeFou:
Gaston is the best
And the rest is all drips
 [bad word] 
No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston

Beerdrinker 1:
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!

Bimbettes:
For there's no one as burly and brawny

Gaston:
As you see I've got biceps to spare

LeFou:
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny

Gaston:
That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair

Cronies:
No one hits like Gaston

Townsman:
Matches wits like Gaston

LeFou:
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston

Gaston:
I'm especially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!

Cronies:
Ten points for Gaston!
Gaston:
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!

Cronies:
No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston

LeFou:
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston

Gaston:
I use antlers in all of my decorating!

Cronies:
Say it again
Who's a man among men?
And then say it once more
Who's the hero next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know? Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down

LeFou:
And his name's G-A-S...T -
G-A-S-T - -
G-A-S-T-O - oh!
Cronies:
Gaston!

-------------- [bad word]  Alan Menken
Lyrics: Howard Ashman

Performer(s):
Gaston (Richard White)
LeFou (Jesse Corti)