[Intro]
Ladies and gentlemen
Introducing, the [bad word] song
(oh no he didn't)
(Honk a [bad word] 

[Hook]
This is my [bad word] song
I wish that I had a bigger shlong
One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long
One of those porno king kong dongs

[Verse 1]
Check it out
I wish my [bad word] was bigger, I can admit it
I'm above average on inches but I want a [bad word] double digit
If I had a big ol' [bad word] what would I do?
I'd probably go to Florida and show it Katrina and [bad word] Get butt naked and start streaking at my school
And get arrested but at least the girls would be impressed
With my third leg and, and then I'd go to a keg and
Do a keg stand, get [bad word] and do [bad word] man
With no clothes on just to show off
My [bad word] s bigger than yours when mine is cold and soft
Haha, oh yeah I forgot that's not really the [bad word] that I have
I went out and party-bagged 'em and quickly opened the package
And it fit me like Kriss Kross's old school starter jackets
Trying to convince myself like, "Size doesn't matter,"
Anyways I'd probably just put it on backwards cause I mean
I know that god made us all different and special
But [bad word] did he really have to invent lopsided [bad word] 
I don't have them I just feel bad for the like you know the guys with like you know
Their left one hangs like lower than the right, kinda like a lazy eye like on your balls
I mean I don't know, I just feel bad

[Hook]

[Interlude]
Yo ladies
Yeah?
Ladies!
Yeah?
Do you want a guy with an average [bad word]  [bad word] no
Then- wait you don't?
No you [bad word] [bad word] Okay that's cool, no that's fine

[Verse 2]
I promise, I'm so self conscious
That's why you never see me skinny dippin' in August
Always walkin' around with my hands in my pockets trying to pump blood into my guy Alfonso
I mean, [bad word] I don't think you girls understand
I've had [bad word] since that song Short Short Man
And even though girls have told me that I'm big when I watch a porno I feel like a little kid
I mean, let's take Ron Jeremy
Now if a girl sees him [bad word] him to me
And every MC in hip hop has got a huge [bad word] Or at least talks about it in every song that they've got
I mean, [bad word] If I was really hung I'd make a whole album called Me and My [bad word] With interludes of all the girls that I'd been with
And talk about my package and multiple orgasms
Cause all that I see is that size does matter
We got Enzite, [bad word] pumps surgery to Viagra
But when it all adds up you can't really change it
I'm not a porno star I just gotta face it
You know, what can I do
This song goes out to like all the like little bit above average dudes
So like all the small dudes, medium dudes but all you big dudes stop

[Hook]