My dog's stomach was very upset, so we put him in the car and we went to the vet
And on our way to the vet, I killed a cat
I say, isn't that ironic?
I adopted a child from overseas, to rescue him from child labor factories
And on his very first birthday, wen went to Build-A-Bear workshop
Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I
Yes and a waterpark is burned to the ground, and a tow [bad word] is broken down
I always used to cry when I laughed then I was raped by a clown

I was watching Al Gore on CNN, and he was talking about the environment and then out of boredom my pet polar bear shot himself
Dated an animal rights activist, one day she got really [bad word] becuase I was eating veal that was wrapped in pita (PETA) bread
I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I

Yeah, I said, I'm a [bad word] and I always sit and slouch
And I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile, uncle's pull out couch

I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I, Ironic

Yeah, everyday you play the board game RISK you've probably never taken a risk in your life
And Monopoly has far from a stranglehold on the board game market
And a little kid dies from suffocation when he took out a game piece from operation
And I can't grow a beard, that wasn't ironic, that was just sad

Bob Barker got all of my pets pregnant
My grandfather has Alzheimer's and one day we were-