Music and Lyrics by Joss Whedon
Performed by Joss Whedon

 

CAVEMAN PAINTED ON CAVE
IT WAS BISON, WAS FAVE
THE OTHER CAVE-PEOPLE WOULD RAVE –
THEY DIDN’T ASK “WHY?”
WHY PAINT BISON IF IT’S DEAD
WHEN DID YOU CHOOSE THE COLOR RED
WHAT WAS THE PROCESS IN YOUR HEAD
HE TOLD THEIR STORY
WHAT CAME BEFORE HE DIDN’T SHOW
WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO

 

HOMER’S ODYSSEY WAS SWELL
BUNCH OF GUYS THAT WENT THROUGH [bad word] 
HE TOLD THE TALE BUT DIDN’T TELL
THE AUDIENCE WHY
HE DIDN’T SAY, HERE’S WHAT IT MEANS
AND HERE’S FEW DEL?1?T?1?SCENES
CHARYBDIS TESTED WELL WITH TEENS
HE’S NOT THE STORY
HE’S JUST DOOR WE OPEN IF
OUR LIVES NEED LIFTING

 

BUT NOW WE PICK PICK
PICK PICK PICK IT APART
OPEN IT UP TO FIND THE
TICK TICK TICK OF HEART
HEART, BROKEN

 

IT’S BROKEN BY THE ENDLESS LOADS
OF MAKING-OFS AND MOBISODES
THE TIE-INS, PREQUELS, GAMES AND CODES
THE AUDIENCE BUYS
THE NARRATIVE DIES
STRETCHED AND TORN
HEY, SPOILER WARNING:

 

WE’RE GONNA PICK PICK
PICK PICK PICK IT APART
OPEN IT UP TO FIND THE
TICK TICK TICK OF HEART
HEART, BROKEN

 

Jed:
JOSS, WHY DO YOU RAIL AGAINST THE BIZ
YOU KNOW THAT’S JUST THE WAY IT IS
YOU’RE MAKING EVERYBODY MIZ

 

Zack:
THESE OUT-OF-DATE PHILOSOPHIES
ARE FOR THE DINNER TABLE, PLEASE
WE HAVE TO SELL SOME DVD’S

 

Jed, Maurissa, Zack:
WITHOUT THESE THINGS YOU SPIT UPON
YOU’FIND YOUR FAME AND FANBASE GONE

 

Maurissa:
YOU’BE IGNORED [bad word] CON

 

Joss:
I SANG SOME THINGS I DIDN’T MEAN
OKAY, LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS SCENE
I THINK IT’S GREAT HOW RYAN GREEN -
OH THIS IS NO GOOD
I THOUGHT J-MO WOULD BACK MY PLAY
NOW ZACK AND THEY ALL SAY

 

WE’RE GONNA PICK PICK
PICK PICK PICK YOU APART
OPEN YOU UP AND STOP THE
TICK TICK TICK OF HEART

 

HEART…