You know, Kathie Lee.. you are a very special woman. I don't mean special in a Mary Tyler Moore way.. Or an extra-value meal at Happy Burger way.. No, I mean special, like the song of the hummingbird.. As it gets ready to find a female hummingburd.. And make sweet love to it, all night long. Just 2 hummingbirds, moaning and groaning.. Lettin' their bodies caress, and touch each other in ecstasy. Then Slowly the male hummingbird gets behind the female hummingbird.. And eases his way into her golden valley. Gliding Gently, in and out.. in and out.. ooh, in and out.. 2 hummingbirds doin' it doggy style all night long.. Until finally, the male hummingbird screams with passion.. and lets his little humming gravy fly all over the nest.. Yeah.. and it makes me wanna.. Makes me wanna sing this special song for you, Yeah baby..

Oh Kathie Lee, your such a special woman to me!
How I'd love to lay ya down..
And lick every inch of your bodaay with my tongue!
Kathie Lee, you're my ual fantasy..
How 'bout you and me, get it together and make sweet love!
Cos, nobody can take your place, no way the could match your face
You've got it goin' on in a way so clear, I just wanna buy you a beer
I thought maybe tonight at 7:30 or something I could uh.. [bad word] by and pick you up in my caaaaarrr..
No Substitute, No Substitute for you, No Substitute! No baby there's..
No Substitute, for you girl, No Substitute for you now!

I know you love my body so much
It's something you can't have but touch, oww!
I might let you if you promise to be gentle..
hmm, now i'm gettin' all sentimental..
Maybe after I pick you up in my car, we could bog down over by the gas station and go for 2 weeks and 1 night in the back seat and..
Drop you off at hooome..
No Substitute, No Substitute for you, No Substitute! No baby there's..
No [bad word] on lemme sing.. No Substitute for you now!

Now you remember our 2 hummingbirds? Well, after their night of Passion.. The male hummingbird couldn't sleep or eat.. All he could think about was that one incredible night.. when feathers wee flying all over the nest, and beaks were where they shouldn't be.. So he puts his beak lips together and whistles a song.. Calling that femaly hummingbird back for another night of fire.. Just like i'm calling for you baby..
[chef whistles] Hey, get yo' [bad word] over her for some good lovin'!

There's only one word that can describe you..
Your a flippety-floppity-hotcha-mamma-hoo-hoo!
You've got everything i've ever wanted..
..my metaphors have all been exhausted!
So what's say you and I forget about singing this song
And act like a couple of hummingbirds ourselves
and get down to some businessss..
No Substitute, No Substitute for you, No-no-no-no Substitute! No baby there's..
No Substitute, for you girl.. No-no-no-no-no-Substitute..

Ladies and Gentlemen, the fabulous.. Chef-ettes!
No-no-no-no-sub-sti-tute-for-you
no-no-no-no-no-no, for you girl.. No Substitute..
No Substitute, No substitute for you.. Kathie Leeeee!