Punctured bicycle
On a hillside desolate
Will nature make a man of me yet ?

When in this charming car
This charming man

Why pamper [bad word] When the [bad word] smooth
On the passenger seat ?

I would go out tonight
But I haven't got a stitch to wear
This man said "it's [bad word] That someone so handsome should care"

Ah ! jumped-up pantry boy
Who never knew his place
He said "return the ring"
He knows so much about these things
He knows so much about these things

I would go out tonight
But I haven't got a stitch to wear
This man said "it's [bad word] That someone so handsome should care"
La, la-la, la-la, la-la, this charming man ...
Oh, la-la, la-la, la-la, this charming man ...

Ah ! jumped-up pantry boy
Who never knew his place
He said "return the ring"
He knows so much about these things
He knows so much about these things
He knows so much about these things

New York version adds :

I would go out tonight
But I haven't got a stitch to wear

I would go out tonight
But I haven't got a stitch to wear
Oh, la-la, la-la, la-la, this charming man ...
Oh, la-la, la-la, la-la, this charming man ...

Ah ! jumped-up pantry boy
Who never knew his place
He said "return the ring"
He knows so much about these things
He knows so much about these things
He knows so much about these things