TIGER, IMITATING [bad word]  Hey you! 

 RIFF
 Who me, Officer [bad word]  

 TIGER, IMITATING [bad word]  Yeah you, gimme one good reason for not draggin' ya down the station house, ya punk! 

 RIFF
 Dear kindly Sergeant [bad word]  You gotta understand
 It's just our bringin' upke
 That gets us out of hand
 Our mothers all are junkies
 Our fathers all are [bad word]  Golly Moses, naturally we're punks 

 JETS
 Gee, Officer [bad word]  We're very upset
 We never had the love
 That every child oughta get
 We ain't no delinquents
 We're misunderstood
 Deep down inside us there is good 

 RIFF
 There is good! 

 JETS
 There is good, there is good
 There is untapped good
 Like inside, the worst of us is good 

 TIGER, IMITATING [bad word]  That's a touching good story 

 RIFF
 Lemme tell it to the world! 

 TIGER, IMITATING [bad word]  Just tell it to the judge 

 RIFF
 Dear kindly Judge, your Honor
 My parents treat me rough
 With all their marijuana
 They won't give me a puff
 They didn't wanna have me
 But somehow I was had
 Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad 

 SNOWBOY IMITATING JUDGE
 Right! Officer [bad word]  You're really a square
 This boy don't need a judge
 He needs an analyst's care
 It's just his neurosis
 That oughta be curbed
 He's psychologically disturbed 

 RIFF
 I'm disturbed 

 JETS
 We're disturbed, we're disturbed
 We're the most disturbed
 Like we're psychologically disturbed 

 SNOWBOY IMITATING JUDGE
 Hear ye, hear ye. In the opinion of this court, this child is depraved on account he ain't had a normal home. 

 RIFF
 Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived! 

 SNOWBOY IMITATING JUDGE
 So take him to a headshrinker. You! 
[ Lyrics from: [bad word] /www [bad word] [bad word] html ]
 ACTION
 Who me? 

 RIFF
 My daddy beats my mommy
 My mommy clobbers me
 My grandpa is [bad word]  My grandma pushes tea
 My sisters wears a moustache
 My brother wears a dress
 Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess 

 ACTION IMITATING HEADSHRINKER
 Yes, Officer [bad word]  He shouldn't be here
 This boy don't need a couch
 He needs a usefully career
 Society's played him a terrible trick
 And sociologically he's sick 

 RIFF
 I am sick! 

 JETS
 We are sick, we are sick
 We are sick sick sick
 Like we're sociologically sick 

 ACTION IMITATING HEADSHRINKER
 In my opinion, this child does not need to have his head [bad word] at all. Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease. 

 RIFF
 Hey, I got a social disease! 

 ACTION IMITATING HEADSHRINKER
 So take him to a social worker 

 RIFF
 Dear kindly social worker
 They tell me get a job
 Like be a soda jerker
 Which means I'd be a slob
 It's not I'm antisocial
 I'm only anti-work
 Glory Osky, that's why I'm a jerk 

 A-RAB
 Eek, Officer [bad word]  You've done it again
 This boy don't need a job
 He needs a year in the pen
 It ain't just a question of misunderstood
 Deep down inside he's no good 

 RIFF
 I'm no good 

 JETS
 We're no good, we're no good
 We're no earthly good
 Like the best of us is no [bad word] good 

 The trouble is he's lazy
 The trouble is he drinks
 The trouble is he's crazy
 The trouble is he stinks
 The trouble is he's growing
 The trouble is he's grown
 [bad word]  we've got troubles of our own 

 Officer [bad word]  We're down on our knees 

 RIFF
 'Cause no one wants a fella
 With a social disease 

 JETS
 Dear Officer [bad word]  What are we to do?
 Gee,