Oh my god, Stacy! Did I tell you about my date with Steve last week?
You went out with Steve? He's so cute!
I know! He took me out to this little restaurant-

Everybody shut up!
I have an erection
It only happens 87 times a day
Just stop what you're doing
And witness [bad word] perfection
This is more important than what you have to say!
Your story can wait, 'cause I am very erect
Now let's all take a minute to watch my [bad word] and reflect
Your spirit's in peace, no need to call the police
Please hold your applause

In conclusion, your honor, in light of this new evidence,
I would propose that the murderer was not my client, but... Mrs. Donnovan!

Everybody shut up!
I have an erection
If Justice is blind, she's gonna miss this display
It's hard as steel but still evaded metal detection
This is more important than what you have to say!
Judge, don't give me that robe, 'cause then nobody could see
This pillar of awesome that's sticking straight out of me
Who could argue a case with so much [bad word] in your face?
Please hold your applause

Do you ever take a moment
And look up at the stars?
And think about your life
And just how stupid you are
If it makes you feel better
I'm a [bad word] rock star
With an amazing [bad word] 
But enough about you
Let's focus more on my crotch
It's as tangy as whiskey
And hits you harder than scotch
You might not get what I'm sayin'
So just sit back and watch
Look, (gasp!) it's still my [bad word] 

Ladies and gentlemen, as president of the United States, I must sometimes make grave decisions.
 [bad word] to you today to tell you that the United States has decided to declare war on-

Shut up!
Mr. President, I have an erection!
Here's a tricky [bad word] that cannot be impeached
Check out my [bad word]  it could swing an election
This is more important than your boring [bad word] speech!
For one nation, indivisible under God
We all stand together and peep my glorious rod
Hey, those guys look fun, oh wait, are they holding guns?
Please hold your app-