[Intro: Spoken]
I'm totally [bad word] up
I can barely speak
I'm totally [bad word] up
They gave me so many [bad word] 
But, uh, I'm going to be here
Alright, what we're talking about here
Is, is a kind of
It's a heartland feeling
Like, uh, Mellencamp
You know, kind of a Mellen feeling
Ok, what you got to get together is a
Some, a heartland folk singer
Uh, we're going to need a real quick
Uh, John Cougar Mellencamp
 [bad word] Spingsteen, Bob Seeger
That type of feeling, a Mellen feeling
You know, real, uh, powerful, approving music, uh
Of a heartland quality
Uh, just powerful straight-forward music
And if you can't get
Just the right type of feeling
Find someone who will pass and change them

[Verse 1]
Old man Johnson got his head in his hand
Making his way across state in a fiddling band
With hair all down in his eyes
And the microphone all covered with flies
When he gets done playing, goes back to his room
Climbs in the bed in his cowboy boots
And he picks up a magazine, turns on the TV
Lights a cigar as he's falling asleep

 [bad word] 
Well (s)he's only a person
Who doesn't know [bad word] 
Yeah, nothing happening
That's about it
Yeah

[Verse 2]
Well little Rosanna came from Texarkana
Had fourteen dollars wrapped in a bandanna
Came into town not looking for much
Well she found a hound dog and she named him Dutch
She got a job at the arcade taking quarters
But she was never too good at taking orders
So one night she stopped giving out change
She kicked the boss in the shin and unplugged the games

 [bad word] 

[Verse 3]
Sam got canned at the cannery
He punched out the clock that night
His knuckle was bleeding as he walked home
He was cold and he had a headache
Well his wife was cooking canned beans
He took out all the money out of his jeans
And he set it on fire in the kitchen sink
As his wife handed him a drink

 [bad word] 

[Verse 4]
Smiler was looking for handouts
Sleeping in an abandoned lighthouse
Down at the mini-mall shaking his hat
Washing windows with his bare hand
He found a sports car
With the keys in the ignition
It just seemed so easy
He took a joyride, drove it into a hedge
Came out with the steering wheel wrapped around his head

 [bad word] 

[Verse 5]
Well Janie was born in a small town
Everybody just standing around
They had bingo games and the raffle
Everybody chewing tobacco
Well she grew up kinda restless
All her boyfriends wanted to be dentists
Well, she got a job at the [bad word] stop
And she got old fast and never did what she wanted

 [bad word]