We like to busk on the underground
We stand in a corner right here
But the licensing men in some office [bad word] and they just interfere

They’re censoring all of our lyrics
It’s such a remarkable thing
They give us some new words each morning
And here’s what they’re making us sing:

Don’t leave your bags unattended
Please let passengers get off the train before boarding
Services on the Bakerloo line are suspended
And [bad word] crime because CCTV is recording

The roof at Embankment is in an unstable condition
You are advised to seek out an alternative route
If you notice a person whose actions give you suspicion
And you think that he looks a bit foreign then please do not shoot.

They took us up into some office
And here’s the advice that they gave:
‘We need songs that enhance people’s safety
And make [bad word] behave.’

Please mind the gap and the pickpockets here at this station
No flash photography, please put out your cigarette
When the weather is hot, avoid dehydration
But surfaces may [bad word] slippery when it is wet.

If you notice a chemical smell and you’re next to a man
And he’s shouting and praying to Allah and acting berserk
Remain where you are and keep as calm as you can
There’s a very good chance that his bomb doesn’t actually work.