first off, i want to tell you I enjoyed the pizza well, it really wasn't great, but it allowed me to meetcha I'd like your number- but I'm not gonna leave a big tip to get it That means he's cheap and pathetic and if you date him you'll regret it 23 percent from [bad word] I'm generous; not desperate. And I can calculate. Is she supposed to be impressed? Well, if you wanna battle be my guest... i'm [bad word] programmer and a cubical dweller I disabled spellcheck 'cause I'm a stellar speller When I write an email that includes an attachment I never hit "send"before I've attached it. Your job is a bore; I keep it hardcore Selling knives and insurance from door to door. You're reflecting on a water cooler conversation I'm giving an incredible knife demonstration May I interest you in some accidental death coverage or a bagel slicer? I can change [bad word] wallpaper to a tropical beach scene. Bagel slicer. I carpool, ‘cause I’m environmentally sensitive, I pack a snorkel, cause I'm clever and so inventitive. It’s inventive. Inventitive isn’t a word. Yeah it, I just inventi-ted it; you just got served. Well, when I carpool, I take a group of third graders. On my way to work, I teach them multiplication tables. See, I’m a role model, an example to the youth. Then why did this kid just tell me that 1 X 1 = 2? At the gym, people line up just to gimme a spot All eyes on me when i'm popping a squat My career plan is to teach P.E. The model on the machine...he's based on me . I've mastered the art of mental manip-ulation Workin' every muscle group through meditation This is me working out my triceps Pick up my dvd called Mind Reps My sense of style is sweet like [bad word]  It's not [bad word] for people to think I'm from Europe. I don’t follow the trendssI'm a style pioneer. See this turtle neck with a necklace? You'll be wearing this next year. I see buttons, I push em--just to see what they do, and if something were to go wrong, I'd just blame it on you. I’m quick-witted, always know just what to say. Then say something clever. Uh.... Okay. I was offered a record deal while singing at a karaoke bar but i turned it down and became the President's karaoke czar I rescued a dolphin entangled in a tuna net and donated it to an orphanage to keep as a pet I gave the Heimlich to a horse choking on beef jerky two hours later, he won the Kentucky Derby I'm allergic to nothing. I'm allergic to weakness. I embrace my weaknesses and call them unique-nesses. I can drive a stickshift / (well ) I can golf Well, I can make it look like my thumb [bad word] off I invented the half nelson/ I invented the full nelson I've got a signed picture of Boris Yeltsin My uncle is a lawyer / I roll my own sushi I use the metric system exclusively. I know Morse Code Well I can speak it (does morse code sounds) You just said that "the square root of raspberry should be legalized"..? Exactly