Peter:
Jessica Biel and Megan Fox
Wearin' nothin' but their socks
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Brian:
Well, that's just not practical.
Lois:
Spending a week in Mexico
With some black guys and some blow
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Peter:
Aw, that sounds terrific. How about you, kids?
Chris:
I would like a pair of skates,
Then I'd go out skating,
But I really don't know how to skate.
Ha-ha!
Meg:
I want a Lexus all in pink
And a dad who doesn't drink.
Peter:
Oh, and that reminds me, twelve kegs of beer.
The Griffins (except Brian):
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year.
Brian:
Santa's got his work cut out for him.
Peter:
Oh, we ain't even gotten started yet.
Lois:
I wanna tour the Spanish coast...
Peter:
Lunch with Michael Landon's ghost...
Peter and Lois:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Lois:
Wait, what?
Peter:
Forget it. Keep goin'.
Chris:
Jennifer Garner in my bed...
Meg:
Softer voices in my head...
Chris and Meg:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Stewie:
Yellow cake uranium.
Never mind the reason.
Also Chutes and Ladders and a ball.
[laughs]
Brian:
Doesn't this seem like too much stuff?
Peter:
Poo on you! It's not enough!
Stewie:
Buddy boy, I got your Christmas right here.
The Griffins:
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year.
Brian:
I'm just saying it seems a bit excessive.
Lois:
Oh, get off your soapbox, Brian, it's Christmas.
Peter:
And Christmas is about gettin'. Everyone in town knows that.
Quagmire:
Japanese girls with no restraint
Just to choke me till I faint
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Ooh, giggity!
Bonnie:
Platinum-plated silverware...
Joe:
Just one day when kids don't stare...
Bonnie and Joe:
Is all I really want for Christmas this year.
Mort:
If you put a Christmas tree
In the public airport,
I will go to court and sue your [bad word] 
Happy holiday!
Mayor Adam West:
Wouldn't I love a Tinkertoy?
Herbert:
And a little [bad word] boy.
He can either tap his [bad word] or my rear.
Mayor Adam West, Herbert and Mort:
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year.
Tom Tucker:
I want a golden [bad word] 
Angela:
And some spermicidal foam.
Tom Tucker and Angela:
That's all I really want for Christmas this year.
Carter:
I want a brand new pitching wedge.
Consuela:
I would like more Lemon Pledge.
Carter and Consuela:
That's all I really want for Christmas this year. [bad word] 
I just want a wedding ring
From someone named Jeffrey.
Jillian:
I just want some colored Easter eggs.
Carl:
I want a Blu-ray of The Wiz.
Tomak:
We don't know what "Christmas" is.
Bellgarde:
We have something else called "Kishgev Fufleer".
Everyone (except Brian):
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want this year.
RepriseEdit
Choir:
We can get out of any mess
If we learn to live with less.
And with Santa's love there's nothing to fear.
All these happy wishes
And lots of Christmas cheer
Is all I really want...
This...
YEAR!!!!!!!
AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH! AH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!