I worked on a garbage skow
near the Neurtral Zone
and I'm sure you've heard,
what occurs
When a fella is alone

I was mighty lonely there
till I met a man named Jones
and he sold me a muff,
covered in fluff
so I wouldn't have to
spank my bone.

Get your self a tribble
and then you're good to go.
If you've got enough
quadrotriticale
you'll have an endless
supply of holes.

I grabbed myself some Vaseline
and slathered up my pole
But the trouble with these tribbles
They're fuzzy and they're cute
but I can never find the hole.

They're fuzzy and they're cute
but I can never find the hole!

That mate there is Scotty,
he's our chief engineer.
and he's never had a hole
cause most don't know
he's [bad word] as Vulcan beer!

I caught him with some tribbles
I said 'boy are you dumb?
Hear to my song, you're doing it wrong'
he was shoving them up his bum!

 [bad word] 

Klingon captain Koloth
He's mean as he is shrewd.
And on shore leave, he got us peeved
because he's [bad word] 

We beamed all of our tribbles
to Koloth and his crew
but from the yells we couldn't tell
who was raping who!

Bones says these critters are all pregnant when they're born.
I had just one now I've a thousand maybe more!
I have so many now, I know just what to do
I think I'll start an interstellar heavy petting zoo!

I was on K7 when I saw Mr. Jones
I gave him what for and said there's more,
I'm here to pick a bone.

That tribble that you sold me,
it had no hole to [bad word] 
"You dope," he said, "You don't [bad word] them!
You let those things [bad word] you!"

So grab yourself a tribble
and then you're good to go..
If you have enough quadrotriticale
you'll have a dozen of them in your hole!

Get your self some Vaseline and
slather up [bad word] 
'Cause the nice things bout these tribbles
They're fuzzy and they're cute
and you can put em in your bum

So go back to your quarters
and on your bunk you lay.
You hope and pray that on our way
we pass a bird of prey

Tribbles hate the Klingons
they really make em go.
They get irate and they vibrate
up in your heiney hole!

So grab yourself a tribble
and then you're good to go.
If you have enough quadrotriticale
you'll have a dozen of them in your hole!

Get your self some Vaseline and
slather up [bad word] 
The nice things bout these tribbles
They're fuzzy and they're cute
and you can put em in your bum. 

These tribbles boldly going
Up in your friggin' hole...