He's a serious Mister
shake his hand and he'll twist your arm
with monopoly money
we'll be buying the funny farm
So I'll do flips, 
and get paid in chips
from a diamond as big as the Ritz--
then I'm calling it quits
Eyes the color of candy
lies to cover the handicap
though your slippers [bad word] you'll be led to the booby trap
And there's no prize,
just a smaller size
so I'm wearing the shoe til it fits--
then I'm calling it quits
Now he's numbering himself among the masterminds
cause he's hit upon the leverage of valentines
lifting dialogue from Judy Garland storylines
where get-tough girls turn into goldmines
But oh, those polaroid babies
taking chances with rabies
happy to tear me to bits--
well, I'm calling it quits
Yes, I'm calling it quits.