I’m not really in love with anyone
But sometimes I like to pretend
That Hayley Hoover is my girlfriend
She lives all the way over in america
And we don’t share the same political views
But as far as hypothetical girlfriend’s go
She’ll do

Hayley Hoover is sucking up my heart
She’ll store it in a flask and she’ll keep it forever
Hayley hoover, she is quite a mover
Her videos are good
And if after hearing this song you’re considering going and watching them
Then I reckon you should

I met her IRL one time
And she was pretty nice
But when I meet her in my mind
She does much more than just suffice
She’s the perfect woman more or less
Though less is more but i digress
She’s the perfect girl for me
Though, not really

Hayley Hoover is hoovering up my love
And she’ll store it just above where she put my heart
Hayley Hoover she’s cuter than a goofer
Her videos are neat
And if after hearing this song you’re considering going and watching them
Then then that’d be greet

Hayley Hoover (Hayley Hoover)
Hayley Hoover (Hayley Hoover)
Hayley Hoover (Hayley Hoover)

And I know that I’m not Bo Burnham but I hope I’ll do
‘Cause I want to spend all my days fantasising quietly and you and me and me and you
The Wine Kone’s got nothing on me
I’m a bigger creep than he’ll ever be
Because I want you inside of me
Though I only mean that mentally

I’m not really in love with anyone
But sometimes I like to pretend
That Hayley Hoover is my girlfriend