Theres nothing wrong with being [bad word] 
But youve been telling us youre straight for 20+ years
Me and the other guys, we all got to talkin
we dont understand the flip flops you walk in
You have  with a chick, but talk with a lisp
Your shirt is so tight, it makes you limp in the wrist
So tell us is it really a woman you want to kiss?
Putting on your Kiwi Strawberry chap stick
Its not wrong, but it sure as [bad word] isnt right
When you are at a Sports bar sipping Diet Sprite
Ordering a salad with the dressing on the side
like this one big marching parade of pride
To me thats [bad word]  spelled with a Capital 
When youre downloading the new Kelly Clarkson CD
Its so easy to see, you dont even need spectacles
Why we, secretly, think you teabag [bad word] 

I think you might be [bad word] if you are than thats ok
Even your parents knows deep inside theres a closet where you hide

Please excuse me if I am being a little blunt
But even your girlfriend knows that shes a front
And you cover it up worse than a Republican
or Anderson Cooper on C. N. N.
Im not trying to offend, rather [bad word] be a friend
Youre at the tanning salon almost every weekend
and is just a little hard for us [bad word] 
Why you separately shampoo and condition
Our suspicion is you want to ride the bone pony
But first you want to taste Man Bologna
Then go to Broadway, pick up a Tony
Then maybe your balloon knot wouldnt be so lonely
Not that anything would be wrong with that
When youre clearly [bad word]  but straight is how you act
Wed still be your friend, even if you dont like vag
Youd prefer a meat whistle for [bad word] sheriffs badge

I think you might be [bad word] if you are than thats ok
Even your parents knows deep inside theres a closet where you hide
Its probably not a shock all your friends think you like [bad word] 
We just thought that you should know so you can find a man to blow

(Surprise) If you get your eyebrows waxed 
(Youre [bad word]  You must want your fudge packed
(Surprise) If you polos collars popped 
(Youre [bad word]  You must want your cornhole rocked
(Surprise) your new haircut suggests you crave wang
(Youre [bad word]  any man with bangs wants to get banged
(Surprise) My friend you are flaming out of control
(Youre [bad word]  So please just Stop, Drop and Roll