Music by Jed Whedon
Lyrics by Zack Whedon, Jed Whedon, and Maurissa Tancharoen
Performed by Zack Whedon
Backing Vocals by Maurissa Tancharoen

I DON’T DO SONGS, I’M ALL ABOUT THE WRITTEN WORD
AND YOU SHOULD SEE ME WRITE GRAFFITI, CONCRETE’S PREFERRED
THERE’S NOTHIN’ WORSE THAN HEARING VERSE SUNG LIKE TWEETY BIRD
UNLESS IT’S SCREAMIN’ ‘CAUSE I’M BEATIN’ UP THEATER NERD
OR HAVEN’T YOU HEARD –
I’M THE BLACK SHEEP IN BAND OF BROTHERS
WHO SIT AROUND SINGING SHOWTUNES
GIVING [bad word] TO EACH OTHER
YOU MAKE MUSICAL, DON’T MATTER IF IT’S WITTY OR PRETTY
THAT’S ONE WAY TICKET TO BUTTKICKED CITY
WHERE YOU ALL ARE PERMANENT RESIDENTS
DO YOU NEED LITTLE MORE EVIDENCE?
DR. HORRIBLE - HEY THAT’S SOUND KINDA DARK AND COOL
SING-ALONG BLOG - WHAT THE F*!K IS THIS?  PRESCHOOL?

ZACKY’S DOING US LITTLE FAVOR [bad word] WITH HIS FLAVOR
DON’T TELL HIM IT’S MUSICAL
‘CAUSE THEN HE MIGHT KILL US ALL

YOU PEOPLE ARE IN FREEFALL, STRAIGHT INTO CHEESE BALL
I GET MESSAGE PLEASE CALL MY BOOKIE BUDDY, HE’S ALL -
WHAT THE [bad word] IS UP WITH YOU UP ON HULU
THOUGHT WE WERE LAYIN’ LOW AFTER THAT HOOKER SNAFU
I SAID, HEY LISTEN, YOU JUST MISUNDERSTOOD
I GOT TO GET IN ON THIS WEB [bad word] WHILE THE GETTIN’S GOOD
I DIDN’T KNOW THERE WERE SONGS, THAT SH#T MAKES ME SICK
MY BROTHER SAID IT’S ABOUT GUY WHO KILLS SOME CHICK

Jed:
HEY, WEREN’T YOU PRINCE IN “THE KING AND I” IN SEVENTH GRADE?

Zack:
NO, BUT I WAS BACKSTAGE IN THE DARK GETTING LAID

Jed:
WEREN’T YOU PIGPEN IN THAT “CHARLIE BROWN” SHOW WE DID?

Zack:
NO, I JUST WANDERED ON STAGE DURING MY HOMELESS PERIOD

Jed:
DIDN’T YOU SING ABOUT THE BUSINESS IN “ANNIE GET YOUR GUN”?

Zack:
IS THAT WHAT THAT WAS?  I’VE BEEN TANKED UP SINCE NINETY-ONE

Jed:
WEREN’T YOU THE TIN MAN IN “THE WIZARD OF OZ” OR SOMETHING?

Zack:
YEAH, BUT I PLAYED THE F*!K OUT OF THAT PART.

ZACKY’S DOING US LITTLE FAVOR [bad word] WITH HIS FLAVOR
DON’T TELL HIM IT’S MUSICAL
‘CAUSE THEN HE MIGHT KILL US ALL

I WROTE ALL THE GOOD LINES AND I MADE THEM FUNNY
BUT I WAS ONLY IN IT FOR THE HORRIBLE MONEY
PLUS SOME WERE CUT OUT, CAUSE JOSS IS SUCH WUSS HE
CUT MY LINE FOR THE GIRL, “THE PENNY IS MY P_SSY”
NOT TO MENTION MY WHOLE MOIST STORYLINE
WHERE HE GETS CAUGHT SELLING BLOW AT REST STOP AND SERVES TIME
AND THEN HE GET’S OUT AND TRIES TO GET HIS SH#T TOGETHER AND TEACHES ART TO UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS AT THE LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL, BUT THINGS TAKE AN INTERESTING TURN WHEN AN OLD GAMBLING [bad word] TO COLLECT. SEE IT’S HIS FORMER [bad word] BACK TO HAUNT HIM.  YOU CAN’T [bad word] YOUR PAST.  SEE?  GET IT?  THAT’S THE POINT, JOSS.  [bad word] 
WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN TO THESE KIDS?!

ZACKY’S DOING US LITTLE FAVOR [bad word] WITH HIS FLAVOR
DON’T TELL HIM IT’S MUSICAL
‘CAUSE THEN HE MIGHT KILL US ALL