Last night at the pub I met my cousin Rory
It was a good day for me so I drank the pints away
And when I arrived home, my babe she was a waiting
I couldn't understand it why she smacked me in the face
(same chords repeat, including for the [bad word] and for the solos)
Well nine the next morning she sent me to the job centre
They asked me what I do, I said I didn't have a trade
They [bad word] back tomorow, I said no problem officer
So I went back to the pub and I put the pints away [bad word] 
Get up out of bed you [bad word]  lazy [bad word] You drink all night and you sleep all day
Get up out of bed you [bad word]  lazy [bad word] If you don't get off your [bad word]  then I'll be on my way
When I arrived home, my babe already left me
She saw me in the boozer in the middle of the day
Well I guess that's the end of our twenty year marriage
So I went back to the pub and I put the pints away [bad word] Last night at the pub I saw my cousin Rory
I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw who he had at bay
The [bad word] had my wife that's not the end of the story
The dirty [bad word] [bad word] drinks twice as much as me! [bad word]