Don Pardo: In today's rapidly changing world, musical groups appear almost every day with some new promotional device . . . Some of these devices have been known to leave irreparable scars on the minds of foolish young consumers . . . One such case is seated before you . . . live on stage . . . yes, Terry Bozzio . . . 
Terry: That's meeee! 
Don Pardo: That cute little [bad word] . . . Terry recently felt in love with a publicity photo of a boy named Punky Meadows, lead guitar player from a group called ANGEL . . . In the photo, Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo in a semi-profile which emphasized the pooched out succulence of his insolent pouting rictus . . . 
Terry: Ooh, Punky . . . 
Don Pardo: The sight of which drove the helpless [bad word] mad with desire! 

I can't stand the way he pouts
('Cause he might not be pouting for me!)
Hah! Pouting for you?
Hah! Punky Meadows? Pouting for you?
His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice
(Til I squirm with ecstasy!) 

Punky, Punky, give me your lips
To die on . . . Oh, Punky, isn't it romantic? 

Punky, Punky, give me your lips
To die on . . . I promise not [bad word] in your mouth
Punky, Punky, your album's the [bad word] It's all wrong . . . but listen, this is no laughing matter 

I ain't really [bad word] But if he ever got near
Steven Tyler would PAY to see!
Pay to see 

Punky's whips, Punky's whips
His hair's so shiny, I love his hips
I love his teeth, 'n his gums 'n such . . . PUNKY
(What's up, baby?)
You're an ANGEL . . . 
(Oh, you know that's the kind of stuff that I like to hear)
You're too much 

He's been havin' a rash
(No [bad word] 
That keeps the girls away
Skin doom
(Skin doom!)
Is what the doctors say 

I wonder if Punky is rehearsin' today
I'll just go over, 'n hear him play
His hair is so pretty . . . I'd like to bite his neck
I've heard [bad word] he's more fluid than Jeff Beck
(Dig this . . . )
I AIN'T [bad word] I AIN'T [bad word] (He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
wrist array-he-hey
(That's all it is) 

Punky's lips, Punky's lips
Oh, I love his hair, eatin' dunk-y chips
Yes, I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank?
YANK IT PUNKY! YANK IT FASTER!
YANK IT HARDER! YANK IT ALL NITE [bad word] ON PUNKY! GET FUNKY! 

I AIN'T [bad word] (NO NO NO NO)
I AIN'T [bad word] (NO NO NO NO)
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-he-he-he-hey)
wrist array-hey 
(One more time for the world!) 
And then he said:
I AIN'T [bad word] 
I AIN'T [bad word] 
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ay-hay) 

I-I 
Lord, I-I'm fo-fo-o-o-nd 
Of chiffo-on 
In a wrist array-ee-ay-hey 
I said 
I-I-I-I-I-I-I 
I'm a little fo-o-nd 
Of chiffo-on 
In a wrist array-hey-ay-ay-hey 

FZ: Thank you . . . Our birthday boy, Terry Bozzio, sad but [bad word] . . . Just a minute . . .