What makes you think it won’t grow back
In a day or two?
Husbands in winter, we know the [bad word] 
But what can we do?

I don’t like girls the way they are,
So shave their legs and make them look like moviestars.
Then we can pretend that it’s natural.

Put on whatever makes you attractive.
If it’s not you, then do it for the sake of fashion.
Your friends like a certain you;
That’s who you’ve got to be.

Junior high legs, blonde hair gone brown from removing it.
Waxing since thirteen, wisdom from a beauty queen,
The tiara digging deep in her head.

I’m starting to think that I’m kind of shy,
Or at least I’d like to be.
Winter legs give me heart attacks,
So take it off with lasers so it [bad word] back.
Then we can pretend it’s natural.