I bought no gift this year
And I slept with your sister.
I know I should have thought twice
Before I kissed her. 
But with the year we had last
And the dress that she wore,
I just went along for the ride
And I came back for more.
And I'm sorry baby.

That's all ok honey 'cause see,
I bought no treat this year
And I slept with your brother.
I wrecked your daddy's car
And went down on your mother.
I set your record collection on fire
And said I never knew.
Felt kinda bad about that
And I know you did too.

So whatever you say
It's all fine by me.
Who the [bad word] anyway 
wants a Christmas tree?
'Cause the snow keeps on falling
Even though we were bad.
It'll cover the filth
We should both just be glad.

And spend, spend, spend 
This Christ-Christmas together.

I married you last year
Bet you thought I was sober, right?
But I was [bad word] as a skunk, yeah
And I made a mistake.
This could all have been over.

Oh honey, please don't
Excuse you behavior.
'Cause I hired a hitman
And changed your will.
It's now all in my favor.

So whatever you say
It's all fine by me.
Who the [bad word] anyway 
wants a Christmas tree?
'Cause the snow keeps on falling
Even though we were bad.
It'll cover the filth
We should both just be glad.

And spend, spend, spend 
This Christ-Christmas together. (x4)

Holding on
Without any reason.
'Cause something strong
This holiday season.

So whatever you say
It's all fine by me.
And who the [bad word] anyway 
wants a Christmas tree?
'Cause the snow keeps on falling
Even though we were bad.
It'll cover the filth
We should both just be glad.

And spend, spend, spend 
This Christ-Christmas together. (x4)