Oh, give me a noose I can hang from the tree
I need no excuse to end my misery
this holiday season is all the more reason to die.

Oh, pull up a stool and an ear to a fool
once found some solace in the season of yule
this holiday season is all the more reason to cry.

I put on my mittens, one green and one red
and I walk alone where they bury the dead
the snow falls as I breath its a gothic
christmas eve.

The bottle is empty,
the sleigh has a flat,
the stripper in my bed is ugly and fat,
her tassles are tangled and what's worse - my jingle won't jangle.

This time of the year makes me sick to my guts
all this good cheer is a pain in the nuts
when it's your career to be down in the dumps
tidings [bad word] and joy really suck.

I feel like St. Nicolas is pulling my leg
this thing we call Christmas is a sorry black plague
this holiday season is....
... all the more reason to die