Andy would bicycle across town in the rain to bring you
Candy and John would buy the gown for you to wear to the
Prom with Tom the astronomer who'd name a star for you

But I'm the luckiest guy on the Lower East Side
Cause I've got wheels and you want to go for a ride

Harry is the one I think you'll marry 
But it's Chris that you kissed after school 
Well I'm a fool, there's no doubt
But when the [bad word] out and only when the [bad word] out 

The day is beautiful and so are you
My car is ugly but then I'm ugly too 
I know you'd never give me a second glance
When the weather's nice all the other guys don't stand a chance

I know Professor Blumen makes you feel like a woman
But when the wind is in your hair you laugh like a little girl
So you share secrets with Lou but we've got secrets too
Well, one I only keep this heap for you

Cause I'm the ugliest guy on the Lower East Side
But I've got wheels and you want to go for a ride
Want to go for a ride?