No, I mean, I said earlier, I mean he was so vital and so alive that the fact that he wasn't there was — was unbelievable. And I was totally devastated ...???... picking up the pieces afterwards ...???... and, ah, it took me about a year to feel safe. I couldn't possibly think of anybody else other than John ...???... I was so distressed ...???... I think it's a dreadful, a dreadful thing.