Ol' Saint Nick's got burban breath
It's so cold you could catch your death 
cop sold me some crystal meth
It's a Merry [bad word] Christmas

Everything's so Chritmassy
The streets are twinkling with frozen pee 
My priest just sat on santa's knee
It's a Merry [bad word] Christmas

All the kids go to bed each night to dream what santa brings 'em (brings 'em)
Unless they're jewish or muslim or some other gyp religion
Crappy toys flying off the shelves 
Midgets dressed up to look like elves 
Spread good cheer or burn in [bad word] It's a Merry [bad word] Christmas

All the kids go to bed each night to dream what santa brings 'em
Unless they're jewish or muslim or some other gyp religion
Cracklin' fires to keep me warm
And my collection of asian [bad word] Cradle my bells and work my horn
It's a keep on [bad word] , last year suckin', midget chuckin', slap the puckin', how much wood could a wood chuck chuckin', Merry [bad word] Christmas

HO HO HO!
Shut up! *slap noise*