The [bad word] and the Carpenter
Or, The Story of the Curious Oysters

The sun was shining on the sea
Shing with all his might
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright
And this is odd because it was
The middle of the night

The [bad word] and the Carpenter 
Were walking close at hand
The beach was wide 
From side to side
But much too full of sand

"Mr. [bad word] " said the Carpenter
"My brain begins to perk
We'll sweep this clear in 'alf a year
If you don't mind the work"

"Work?! The time [bad word] " the [bad word] said
"To talk of other things
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax
Of cabbages and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings
Calloo-Callay
No work today!
We're cabbages and kings"

Oh, uh, [bad word] and walk with us
The day is warm and bright
pleasant walk
pleasant talk
Would be a sheer delight
Yes, and should we get hungry on the way
We'll stop and, uh, have a bite?

But Mother Oyster winked her eye
And shook her hairy head
She knew too well
This was no time to leave her Oyster bed
"The sea is nice,
Take my advice
And stay right here," Mum said

Yes, yes, of course, of course, but, uh, ha, ha
The time [bad word]  my little friends
To talk of other things
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax
Of cabbages and kings
And why the sea is boilong hot
And whether pigs have wings, ha ha
Callo-Callay
 [bad word] away
With cabbages and kings!

Well, now, uh, let me see
Ah, a loaf of bread is
What we chiefly need!
Listen, how 'bout some pepper and salt and vinegar, eh?
Well, yes, yes, splendid idea, ha ha!
Very good, indeed
Now, if your ready, Oysters, dear.
We can begin the feed.
Feed?!

Oh, yes, the time [bad word]  my little friends
To talk of food and things
Of peppercorns and mustard seeds
And other seasonings!
We'll mix 'em all together
In a sauce that's fit for kings
Calloo-Callay
We'll eat today
Like cabbages and kings!

I, uh, weep for you. I (hic), oh excuse me
I deeply sympathise
For I've enjoyed [bad word]  oh much more
Than you realize
Little Oysters? Little Oysters?

But answer, there came none
And this was scarcely odd because
They'd been eaten
Every one!

With cabbages and kings!
The End!