"Doctor Long John. My dreams are full of Doctor Long John."
I got a dentist who's over seven feet tall.
I have a dentist who's over seven feet tall.
His name is Doctor Long John
and he answers every call.

You know, I went to Long John's office.
I said, "Doctor, the pain is killing me."
I went to Long John's office.
I said, "Doctor, the pain is killing."
He said, "Don't worry, baby.
It's just your cavity needs a little filling."

He took out his [bad word] drill.
Told me to open wide.
He said he wouldn't hurt me,
but he filled my whole inside.
Long John, Long John, don't you ever go away. No.
'Cause you thrill me when you drill me,
and I don't need no novocain today.

Oh, when he got done drilin' he said,
"Now, Miss Midler, that is going to cost you ten."
"I was prepared to pay twenty"
Yeah, yeah, yeah, when he got done drillin' he said,
"Baby, that's gonna cost you ten.
But if it ever starts in to throbbing, [bad word] back and see old Long John
again and again and again and again and again.
Oh, yeah. Yow!

"Long John.
I sold my heart to Doctor Long John and I will never, never be the same.
Oh, that's so heavy I just gotta lay back."