Hey mister, where you headed?
Are you in a hurry?
Need a lift to happy hour
Say oh no
Do you brake for distilled spirits?
Need a break as well
The well that inebriates the guilt
One, two
One, two, three, four

Cold turkey's gettin' stale
Tonight I'm eatin' cold
Fermented salmonella, poison oak no
There's a drought at the fountain of youth
Now I'm dehydrated
My tongue is swellin' up, I said
One, two
One, two, three, four

Troubled times
You know I cannot lie
I'm off the wagon and I'm hitchin' a ride

There's a drought at the fountain of youth
Now I'm dehydrated
My tongue is swellin' up
I said
 [bad word] 

Troubled times
You know I cannot lie
I'm off the wagon
And I'm hitchin' a ride
(Off the wagon)
I'm hitchin' a ride
(Off the wagon)
I'm hitchin' a ride
(Off the wagon)
I'm hitchin' a ride
(Off the wagon)
I'm hitchin' a ride
(Off the wagon)
I'm hitchin' a ride
(Off the wagon)
I'm hitchin' a ride
(Off the wagon)
I'm hitchin' a ride
Rode, rode, rode, rode, rode