traded up for stronger cologne
cuz he turned his skull into a broken bone
he tried to cry cuz it hurt to think
but neither lobe works

in a leisure suit made of rhinestones
he watches his dog clean his clothes
he seems an alright guy from what i know

transit authority funds what i bypass
to get my feeding tube
and the plastic it’s made from
holds up so strong and [bad word] 
but i want a string quartet
while i use the loo
spiders crawl up from under
me to make sure i move

they crawl into my holes
and make me weep and remember my name

he will only dance to a dial tone
he lives on function and function alone
there’s not much behind the eyes
from what i know

traded up for stronger cologne
smells like going out
looks like staying at home
and all the while there were spiders in my butt
crawlin around

and i want a string quartet
while i use the loo
nothing crawls up over my head
to make sure i move.