My Lovely Moustache
My lovely moustache,
I’ll take it to work,
and look at it in a furtive way.
My lovely moustache,
admired by women.
They kiss me and hope
it [bad word] off.
I’ll take my moustache to the zoo,
and show off in front of the [bad word] 
I’ll stand next to pictures of
General Kitchener,
Kaiser Wilhelm too.
My lovely moustache,
it’s beautifully shiny,
my lovely moustache,
cor blimey,
moustache is a man’s best
friend,
or a very lucky woman.
Children admire you,
and men they aspire to be who
you are,
a moustachioed tsar.
My upper lip will never feel
the taste of razor blade.
I’ll twirl and wax and groom
in the bathroom,
I’ll defend it to the death.
My lovely moustache.
My lovely moustache,
like a facial panther,
My lovely moustache,
I call it Samantha.
I’ll take my moustache to the fair,
and show off in front of the
strong man,
go to fancy dress parties as
Salvador Dali,
Ivan the Terrible too.
My lovely moustache,
allegedly regal,
my lovely moustache,
like the wings of an eagle.
It would look out of place on a
dog,
and that’s why they have
whiskers.
I know how it feels [bad word] through the fields
with my eleven moustachioed
sisters.
And my lovely,
most beautifully shiny,
cor blimey Charlie, moustache.