Ho Ho Ho Ho!

There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree
Gussied up candy canes and balls
Those carolers have kept me up for hours
It's Merry Christmas seeping through my walls
Now I'm no [bad word] or nothing
But there's one [bad word] holiday that I can't stand
It ain't Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools
But it'll surely make a fool out of every man
HA

If I ain't [bad word] then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah
And all you [bad word] go to [bad word] If I ain't [bad word] then it Kwanzaa
Joy to the world and jack and coke
If I ain't [bad word] then it ain't Christmas
Cause I never anything but broke

Now every year the malls are just a madhouse
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit
And those colored lights are [bad word] infantile
I think we collectively as the people
Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
And tell the world:
"Let's buy some piece and quiet for a change"
Before we spend it all on [bad word] toys.
HA

So if I ain't [bad word] then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah
Fa la la la la go [bad word] yourself!
If I ain't [bad word] it ain't Kwanzaa
Joy to the world of getting stoned
If I ain't [bad word] then it ain't Christmas
So leave this god [bad word] scrooge the [bad word] alone.
HA

MERRY [bad word] CHRISTMAS!