would you love me if forgot your birthday,
gave your shoes away,
and refused to shave?
would you love me if i blew up a deli,
got a big fat belly,
and became real smelly?
would you love me if i wore a tutu,
rode a kangaroo,
with a beehive hairdo?
would you love me if i put a big rock,
in the toe of your sock,
and forced you to walk?

can't you see i love you
i'm crazy bout you babe
don't you leave me sweetie
 [bad word] 
right away

would you love me if was big as a whale,
grew a great green tail,
left slime like a snail?
would you love me if i took off my clothes,
put a garden hose,
way up my nose?
would you love if i had 100 fingers,
and they were all singers,
and way off key?
would you love me if followed a fad,
and dressed like a shad,
and blew your dad?

 [bad word] 

would you love if i took a big ol' chainsaw into bed with us,
and started that sucker up?
put on the ski mask and got all hog wild...