Oh, the moon was full
And the color of blood,
The night the pirates came 
To the Vampire Club.
Their leader was tall and snide and slim,
He looked like a [bad word] Captain Morgan.
Well, he recognized a Vampire
From his school,
And he did something that was 
Most uncool, he said,
"Hey everybody, see the fool in the cape?"
His name's Bernie Weinstein
And he's in the 8th grade!"

Fangs were flying, capes were torn, [bad word] hath no fury like a Vampire scorned.
Number [bad word] in this game:
Never call one by his real name.
Wigs were pulled, top hats were [bad word] 
By pointy boots in [bad word] 
And Boris at the bar orders a Bud and says,
"It's just another night at the Vampire Club."

Missi lost a fang in the ladies room,
And we all laughed and called her "Snaggletooth!"
And Dee was mad cause he broke his cane,
And he flushed his contacts down the drain.
There was so much angst after the fight,
Vlad and Akasha broke up that night,
While some rivet-heads danced in a puddle of goo,
That used to be "Father" you-know-who!

Fangs were flying, capes were torn, [bad word] hath no fury like a Vampire scorned.
Number [bad word] in this game:
Never call one by his real name.
Wigs were pulled, top hats were [bad word] 
By pointy boots in [bad word] 
And Boris at the bar orders a Bud and says,
"It's just another night at the Vampire Club."

Well, it's hard to believe but we're still around,
And when we hang out it's allways upside down,
Dressed in black from toe to head singing,
"Bela Lugosi's still undead!"
gaggle of goths is a peaceful site,
We'd do anything to avoid a fight.
But if you really want to see some gore and blood,
Wait 'til the [bad word] to the Vampire Club.

Fangs were flying, capes were torn, [bad word] hath no fury like a Vampire scorned.
Number [bad word] in this game:
Never call one by his real name.
Wigs were pulled, top hats were [bad word] 
By pointy boots in [bad word] 
And Boris at the bar orders a Bud and says,
"It's just another night at the Vampire Club."