Andy would bicycle across town 
In the rain to bring you candy 
And John would buy the gown 
For you to wear to the prom 
With Tom the astronomer 
Who'd name a star for you

But I'm the luckiest guy on the Lower East Side 
Because I've got wheels and you want to go for a ride

Harry is the one I think you'll marry 
But it's Chris that you kissed after school 
I'm a fool, there's no doubt 
But when the [bad word] out 
And only when the [bad word] out . . . 

The day is beautiful and so are you 
My car is ugly but then I'm ugly too 
I know you'd never give me a second glance 
But when the weather's nice 
All the other guys don't stand a chance 

I know Professor Blumen makes you feel like a woman 
But when the wind is in your hair 
You laugh like a little girl 
So you share secrets with Lou 
But we've got secrets too 
Well, one: I only keep this heap for you 

Because I'm the ugliest guy on the Lower East Side 
But I've got wheels and you want to go for a ride
Want to go for a ride?